Stairway to Heaven, Postponed

On By Ashley GatewoodIn Bread & Butter MorselsLeave a comment

You Shouldn’t Be Here

When I was four years old, I should have died. I didn’t know this until I was nearly twenty, when a prophet looked at me and said, ‘You shouldn’t be here. He’s got plans for you. Did you almost die when you were young?’ I was clueless. My mother later told me that indeed, I almost died.

At four, I came down with something the doctors couldn’t diagnose. I was hospitalized for nearly two weeks. Mom said they were scouring over medical books and couldn’t figure it out. My temperature would not come down.

My Mother’s Vision

One afternoon my mother fell asleep on the couch in my hospital room and had a vision. She woke up and saw Jesus standing there in the room. She was holding me in her arms and said to Him, ‘If you save her, I’ll give her to you.’ He reached out His arms and she placed me in them.

Then she woke up.

She saw the nurse hovering over my bed reading the thermometer, to which she exclaimed, ‘Oh my! Her fever broke.’ Mom knew exactly what had happened.

And so my stairway to heaven was postponed.

Where There Should Be A Vacuum, I Am There

I shouldn’t be here. I think about that sometimes. Every purchase I make, that money would not otherwise have been exchanged. Everywhere I go….I’m affecting the space around me that otherwise wouldn’t be affected. Sometimes it’s almost like space itself is aware of that fact, that it shouldn’t be experiencing my presence at all. It’s an odd feeling.

I think of what Christ said on two occasions, once when He had descended from the Mount of Transfiguration:

“How long must I be with you? How long must I put up with you?

Matthew 17.17

It’s that how long must I be with you that resonates with me. If even God couldn’t stand the world, how much more us? The Devil is the Prince of the Air, he stole our dominion from us in the garden. That’s why the whole world (the worldly system) is under his sway and sin is rampant and the elect are grieved more and more in these end times. If you are a sinner, well isn’t that nice? You can do whatever you like, not thinking at all about the future – con who you like, suckers; betray to gain the win; revel in pleasures and luxury, even if it’s in your pride; your father is the Prince of your world. The worldly sky is the limit.

Oh sure, your eternal life is gone, vaporized and you certainly will suffer the Second Death, but while you’re here now, indulge!

And of course we as children of God understand the significance and deadly end of this way of life. But it does make it more difficult to bear up under the sufferings of this world, even if our life is like a blade of grass.

The Sacrifice

We give until there’s nothing left to give. The vessel of the self is broken and we pour out our lives to the lost in service to God. And we do not take anything for it. Instead we lay up treasures in heaven where moth cannot destroy and thieves cannot steal. And the rich laugh and mock us for it. The mob is dead set on pushing us over the cliff because they cannot stand the truth of our words we speak. Our very existence fills them with rage, madness, and the devil enters them to bring about our demise.

And here we are like sheep in the darkest of forests, surrounded by devilish liars, eyes glowing bearing their sharp teeth, dressed in garments of faux godliness. Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.

The other thing Jesus said was in private, to His closest friends:

“I have come to bring fire on the earth, and how I wish it were already kindled! I have a baptism to be baptized with, and how great is my distress until it is accomplished.”

Luke 12.49-51

In other words, for the fire to be kindled, Christ had to die on the Cross. He was ready for His life to be already over. He admits it. That’s how great His distress was about it all. He sweat blood in the garden, then submitted to God, ‘Not my will but Thine be done.’

Not By a Long Shot

We hope we are so good. But no. We fight, we undermine, we are determined to have our way even at the expense of someone else’s life – as long as we win and save our pride. And then we call ourselves good. When what we should do is repent and let go of our selfish wants.

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it’s the Lord’s purpose that will prevail.

A Lamentation

I would like to make the case that after fifty years of being here in the earth – beyond what I was originally allotted – I think I should be free to do as I wish now. Have I not given fifty more years than would otherwise have been required of me? And if anyone says, you should be thankful, I’d hearken back to those two verses from Christ….even He was ready to get the heck out of here as soon as possible.

Alas, if we back up just a few verses, my fate is sealed: To whom much is given, much is required. And to the one who knows what to do and does not do it, they will be beaten with more blows.

And I don’t feel bad about any of this as Jeremiah was a much better lamenter than I.

His lamentation was so good he even got acknowledged with his Book being included in the Bible. I don’t have a fraction of the anointing or talent. I’m just out here in the world being where I was not otherwise intended to be.

And so goes my extended, strange, not supposed to be here lamentation of life.

Great Is The Lord

On By Ashley GatewoodIn Bread & Butter MorselsLeave a comment

OF DAVID

Contend, O Lord, with those who contend with me;
    fight against those who fight against me!
Take hold of shield and buckler
    and rise for my help!
Draw the spear and javelin
    against my pursuers!
Say to my soul,
    “I am your salvation!”

Let them be put to shame and dishonor
    who seek after my life!
Let them be turned back and disappointed
    who devise evil against me!
Let them be like chaff before the wind,
    with the angel of the Lord driving them away!
Let their way be dark and slippery,
    with the angel of the Lord pursuing them!

For without cause they hid their net for me;
    without cause they dug a pit for my life.
Let destruction come upon him when he does not know it!
And let the net that he hid ensnare him;
    let him fall into it—to his destruction!

Then my soul will rejoice in the Lord,
    exulting in his salvation.
All my bones shall say,
    “O Lord, who is like you,
delivering the poor
    from him who is too strong for him,
    the poor and needy from him who robs him?”

Malicious witnesses rise up;
    they ask me of things that I do not know.
They repay me evil for good;
    my soul is bereft.
But I, when they were sick—
    I wore sackcloth;
    I afflicted myself with fasting;
I prayed with head bowed on my chest.

I went about as though I grieved for my friend or my brother;
as one who laments his mother,
    I bowed down in mourning.

But at my stumbling they rejoiced and gathered;
    they gathered together against me;
wretches whom I did not know
    tore at me without ceasing;
like profane mockers at a feast,
    they gnash at me with their teeth.

How long, O Lord, will you look on?
    Rescue me from their destruction,
    my precious life from the lions!
I will thank you in the great congregation;
    in the mighty throng I will praise you.

Let not those rejoice over me
    who are wrongfully my foes,
and let not those wink the eye
    who hate me without cause.
For they do not speak peace,
    but against those who are quiet in the land
    they devise words of deceit.
They open wide their mouths against me;
    they say, “Aha, Aha!
    Our eyes have seen it!”

You have seen, O Lord; be not silent!
    O Lord, be not far from me!
Awake and rouse yourself for my vindication,
    for my cause, my God and my Lord!
Vindicate me, O Lord, my God,
    according to your righteousness,
    and let them not rejoice over me!
Let them not say in their hearts,
    “Aha, our heart’s desire!”
Let them not say, “We have swallowed him up.”

 Let them be put to shame and disappointed altogether
    who rejoice at my calamity!
Let them be clothed with shame and dishonor
    who magnify themselves against me!

Let those who delight in my righteousness
    shout for joy and be glad
    and say evermore,
“Great is the Lord,
    who delights in the welfare of his servant!”
Then my tongue shall tell of your righteousness
    and of your praise all the day long.

(“Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”)

Long Like Evening Shadows

On By Ashley GatewoodIn Bread & Butter MorselsLeave a comment

The Anointed Poet

Through Solomon, the breath of God summed up the life of a human being in one flourish of the pen,

“The life of mortals is like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die.”

And though he has revealed a truth, we also have to realize how much more we are worth, and how much more positive good we can manage in the time that has been given to us. It’s a difficult balancing act, we are mortals that fade quickly from the earth and yet Christ has bestowed upon us immortality. The perishable has put on the imperishable.

 “Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed— in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”

 ‘Where, O death, is your victory?
  Where, O death, is your sting?’

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.”

1 Corinthians 15:51-58

Solomon is nearly synonymous with vanity, he wrote the book on it. Everything it would seem is vanity save for “our labor in the Lord.” And of course that is right.

I was listening to the late Derek Prince last week and he summed up a conundrum I’ve been wrestling with for years. He likened our lives and the biblical text, to a piano — the vast array of songs possible are infinite. But if the keys aren’t played, no music is heard so that our lives without the Holy Spirit are just a piano with no music. Then he said this,

“You see, you’re dependent on the Holy Spirit. Isn’t that embarrassing?”

My Husband

The Lord and I have conversations. Make of that what you will, but He’s as real to me as any other person in my life. And so before catching the video clip of Derek Prince, I was explaining to my Husband how difficult it is to have so many things go right in my life and yet I can take no credit and claim no merit for those things. No one takes me seriously because I have nothing to show for any success I might have, save for pointing to God.

And people of the world laugh, mock and care little for ‘magic’ and ‘chance,’ that’s how they view it. No one understands and I can’t explain it – and if I try it just comes out as superficial praise. No one can see that it is God who has orchestrated all the victories in my life. Indeed for all of us who rely on Him, He carries us through the storms. Through tears, loss, agony, the pain, the devastation – I’m victorious, even as I’m walking through the fire and everything is engulfed in flames around me, His crown has already grasped the victory for me.

We come through it, you see, without a hint of smoke in our hair or on our clothes. All the while I’m clamoring and fumbling about with only one item lighting my path out of the darkness: the oil lamp of the Holy Spirit. The One who knows how to play the music of my piano is the One who connects me to everything I need and provides the map showing the route around the snares my enemies set for me,

“We have escaped like a bird
    from the fowler’s snare;
the snare has been broken,
    and we have escaped.
Our help is in the name of the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.”

Psalm 124.7-8

And I can’t claim any credit for it. All the glory goes to Him. And I love this. And I am crushed by this.

And so I complained to my Husband about my lack of personal accomplishment, and like clockwork, He always answers. He asked me, through the waters of the words of His late servant,

“Do My blessings embarrass you?”

Derek Prince continued, “You can’t do without Him. There’s no substitute for Him.”

And of course I cried. My Husband is always right and He knows exactly how to speak to my soul – He knows me, His words parse out my thoughts from my intentions and I’m laid bare with no where to hide. I rejoice in the fact that though my Husband is always right, He is also perfectly long-suffering, patient and ready to hear me.

Falling Short

What makes it all so unbearably worse is that I could do so much more for Him. I suffer shame, I stumble, I waver and lack endurance, I find myself wrestling with a lack of faith when some circumstances appear overwhelming and yet still He remains faithful. He is relentless, unwavering and by the perception of mortals, reckless in His passionate pursuit:

“Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.”

Song of Solomon 8.6

(A fiery and passionate Poet, do we hear Him calling?)

We pollute our lives, our bodies which are the temples of the living God. We make rash decisions, we are overcome and overtaken by waves too big for us. Where are our protectors? Who will come to our rescue? We stretch out our hand and there is no one there to grasp it as we sink further under the waves of our own lack and weaknesses. We are consumed by the human condition, by the wiles of the wicked, they stoke the flames that burn our soul and our flesh. And yet He sees us in our desperation, and He stoops down as one would drop to eye-level with a young child and He sets the playing field even – not according to our ability but according to His power:

“‘And when I passed by thee and saw thee polluted in thine own blood, I said unto thee when thou was in thy blood, “Live”; yea, I said unto thee when thou was in thy blood, “Live.”

And so I live. And so you live. Not by our own accord but by His mercy and power, by His willingness to stoop down from His heavenly abode, and peer into the lives of mortals, step into our skin that we might have a hand to grasp when there is none.

He is not dull of hearing. He is not slow to show mercy and save us, even from ourselves, even as we struggle in our own blood. He delivers us out of the jaws of distress and resurrects us to flourish again. His word is life to our bones and soundness of spirit and soul. We are not alone, we have a light that guides us, one that will never dim, will never deliver diminishing returns, but a light that goes with us through life’s storms, shines on our path, illuminating the snares and pits so that we will never again have to fear losing our way.

Even if He must speak to us across the vast waters of time, using a voice that has perished – that is, through the voice of a mortal who has put on immortality – He will speak, the earth will not hinder Him. Time will not hinder Him for light suffers no passage of time. Nor will it separate Him from us – His light goes with us always. Do not fear, His light is always awake, dwelling within us, causing us to live.

Long, Like Evening Shadows

Mortals who have put on Christ, our lives indeed are long like the evening shadows. I can at times grow weary of the wicked prospering in their ways. Their treachery should not be dwelt upon. They are short-lived and though they may appear as ripe fruit, they’re already rotting on the vine.

It’s difficult to see the state of the world today even though there are glimmers of light where truth is winning out, the darkness is relentless it would seem. But that’s the devil’s only game – appearances. That’s all he has because there is no substance to him, and he cannot tell the truth. He can only appear truthful for a time. He isn’t called The Prince of the Air for no reason – he is the clever turning shadow.

But he is no match for our Father. The devil is a pawn God is using to mature His Church into a Bride without spot or wrinkle. And the Bride will take her throne beside Christ the Bridegroom, she is already coheir – you see, again, the victory has already been delivered to us.

The narrow road is not free from snares. That’s why we must remain always near to the Lord in prayer and soak in His presence, else we become bogged down in despair and grief. He, along with the fellowship of the saints, is our encouragement, our hope and our salvation.

The wicked are doomed.

“The wicked will not prosper, for they do not fear God. Their days will never grow long like the evening shadows.”

Ecclesiastes 8:13

The Lord told us before hand this would be so, that we would grieve for righteousness in the earth and find little. But He also encouraged us to take heart, for He has overcome the world. Even all creation longs for the revealing of the Resurrection life within the saints:

“For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the children of God, for the creation was subjected to futility, not of its own will, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its enslavement to decay and will obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning together as it suffers together the pains of labor, and not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly while we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies.”

And so I cry.

He truly is all that matters, and since He is the beginning and the end – and has declared our end from our beginning – then life for us truly does matter in all its aspects even though we are blades of grass in the sunshine and the rain, we have an Advocate.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Philippians 4:8

If we want to flourish, we should aim to set our thoughts on all the above. Let the wicked be devoured. The Light will show us the way.

The Scepter of Wickedness

On By Ashley GatewoodIn Kingdom of GodLeave a comment

Stand on God’s Word

For the scepter of wickedness

shall not rest

On the land allotted to the righteous,

Lest the righteous reach out

their hands to iniquity.

Psalm 125.3

Dear England and The West at Large

One of the most powerful verses in the biblical text grants power to God’s people to reclaim their territory when conquered by a foreign entity. I have believed God on this verse concerning my own personal territory, (or domain, which is any area or place that we as children of God inhabit), and the Lord has moved swiftly on my behalf. We’re entrusted with the responsibility to manage the kingdom that is allotted to us as children of God. We represent His Kingdom and as such, it should be a priority to guard it spiritually. This is clear based up the Parable of the Talents and the responsibilities given to Adam from the very beginning. I’ll elaborate in a moment.

Let God’s People Not Forsake Him, Or Betray The Call

When we leave things unattended we forsake them along with our responsibilities that God has given us. The West has left her God and the more I look into history the more I know God chose a people to conquer the territories that were once barbaric and ungodly – how else could Rome have fallen? We tend to look at all the societal/cultural/financial factors that lead to a nation’s demise and forget what God said in Deuteronomy 8 which lays out exactly what is happening to the West.

We forget that it is God who gives us power to get wealth. The enormous wealth we have been blessed with has been used selfishly and hoarded greedily. Let the world have their day and envy not those who are rich and evil who suffer not. They will earn their due reward. But God will discipline His own that we might be fashioned after His Son to do good in the earth.

When God is Removed, Evil Takes Opportunity

Scientists look at human pollution and over fishing to explain why the sea and its creatures are dying. But it is our turning away from God that causes the lack. The U.S. has turned viciously upon God and biblical principles, we have left our Universities unattended which raise up whole generations, and so we are reaping what we’ve sown. The scepter of wickedness took opportunity and claimed ground. We are trying to take back lost ground through academies like this one; let’s pray it’s not too late.

Look at the Wall Street bankers, wretchedly greedy and leaving no edges to the crops they plow for the poor – the spread on Prime rates is exorbitant, even criminal. They do not think about God’s people, or the people of the earth at all. And God will judge them.

Look at who has become the mayor of their city….a Communist. Either we turn back to God or this warning will become far more than a signal. It will become an entrenched reality.

God Needs Managers

In Genesis 2.4 God says something uniquely pertinent to the role and responsibility of mankind. The text says that God had not allowed it to rain because there was no one to till the ground. He needed someone to manage the ground and prepare it for what He was about to release before He could release it. Rain is often associated with abundance, blessing, life and thriving. Let us fashion ourselves into the kind of people willing to get behind the plow and till the ground in preparation for what God will release. This process can be painstaking and involves discipline.

I assure you, there is nothing that will streamline me more than a solid purpose in God. This is how I live. And He understands me. He is the only One I will shed everything else for and He knows me better than anyone else. He allows me to be me, knowing that I am fully dedicated and faithful to Him. He knows my weaknesses and how to manage them for His love is enduring and never fails.

Even in the darkest of nights, when the ground lay dormant and untilled, God is doing the work on the inside of your heart. Even when you think you are going backwards, your dedication, loyalty and faithfulness will grip Him and move Him on your behalf. The Book of Job is a reminder of God’s faithfulness to His loyal servants. Is it not the Spirit of God rising in the hearts of man that gives us courage to face the day?

“Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand”. 

Declaring the End from the Beginning

God is supernatural. And He is our Father. Think about that for a good long while. We are biological creatures capable of supernatural feats. But only if we remain instep with our Heavenly Father. Anything else is dark, rubbish, and evil – and it will not prevail or remain.

The Scepter of the King of Kings is More Powerful Than All

“Father, in the name of Jesus, we break the scepter of the wicked that has been driven as a stake into our lands. It shall not remain on the land allotted to Your people who are called by Your name. We will not forget You. We will acknowledge You before the nations as a testimony to Your love and faithfulness for all the world to see. Lift Your people out now from under the darkness that we’ve allowed into our borders because of our sin, forgive us and forgive the land that we’ve allowed to be decimated. We have not been watchful or steadfast in Your principles as a nation. We’ve been distracted and pulled aside, we have cowered before our enemies.

Save this country Lord that You have given to us for Your glory. Holy Spirit, imbue us with Your power to spread the Good News to all the world that is sitting in darkness, lost to your understanding. Do not let our enemies tread upon our backs and wipe their feet on all that we hold dear, but deliver us and our land from this evil. We will serve You through the darkness, even if it devours us. We live for You alone Lord, even if it’s to death. Reach out Your hand and bless us once again, turn back the hours on the steps as You did for Hezekiah and may we stand as humble vessels to the glory You are prepared to release through us as the rains across the plains of Africa.

We will till Your ground, the ground You’ve allotted to us personally and as a people across our countries. You have given people for us, you have given nations for us. Give us occasion to honor You and worship You before the nations. Raise up Your people, oh Lord, and may Your Spirit come as a Mighty Rushing Wind upon the Earth.”

Forevermore

Numismatic

On By Ashley GatewoodIn Bread & Butter MorselsLeave a comment

“Every lie we tell incurs a debt to the truth. Sooner or later, that debt is paid.” 

~Valery Alekseyevich Legasov was a Soviet inorganic chemist and a member of the Academy of Sciences of the Soviet Union.

Who Knew

I’m sitting here watching Chernobyl, a series by Johan Renck, released in 2019. I’m watching it for a second time. Simultaneously, I’ve completed an order on Ebay for 8 ancient coins, era approximately 300 B.C. to 93 B.C. All were acquired for around $20-$30. You might be asking, ‘what inspired this purchase now?’ and I’d have to say it happened by way of an eye-catching lot listed by a local auction house I follow; a two coin set issued of the Southpark Characters, by Agoro licensed for the famous animation cartoon.

Never in a million years would I have dreamed a pop-culture trading coin released in October of 2025 would lead me to the ancient coins of 300 B.C. but here we are.

_____________________

Chernobyl just blew its roof off, and with it dissolved the cohesion of the USSR. The film indicates this rupture by a muted but exponential quaking of an apartment in Pripyat as a woman walks past her window, the faint glow in the distance of a sinister, uncontrollable fiend escaping into the fabric of this earth. The tyrannical Titan has been struck, but the sinking is slow, invisible, the radiation seems to work from the inner core of the regime outward, and it is relentless. God was executing a precise blow.

_____________________

This film is exhausting, constantly we ride on the lies through every scene, the truth screaming in everyone’s faces but the hearers don’t listen – refuse to listen – and instead perpetuate the lie. And the one becomes a dozen becomes a thousand and reality is warped.

This film is brilliant.

Goofy Cartoon Characters, But So Aesthetically Pleasing

I love these coins, the colors, the proportions, and how satisfying to see that the background is also cohesive between each of the coins. I think repeatedly, why? How am I so attracted to these things when I’m a grown woman and never followed Southpark anymore than the general public when I was in my twenties? It’s the aesthetic aspect, the curves, colors and lines and they are such happy looking little characters…

It’s Called By Numismatics, The Chase

And that’s not all of them. There are five sets of ten each increasing in rarity. I was so mesmerized by the prospect of what is called blind boxes that I went online even before the auction was over and purchased two additional boxes from a reseller so I could experience the anticipation of….did I get the elusive gold coins? When these things happen, I roll with them. Life is short, buy some blind boxes of amazing coins and experience something different in life, it’s worth it….maybe even golden worth it. I’ll have to update my findings with you once I’ve received and opened the Agoro treasure chests.

_______________________

This film drives the viewer through the radiation filled corridors of a nuclear disaster, foreboding and claustrophobic, you breath the softly floating snow burning orange, your skin feels a nonexistent vibration of radiation….how these people suffered. How people suffer under the effects of Communism.

_______________________

Algorithms

Of course if you search one coin the invisible workings of the internet delivers you many, many coins. In a random video I watched a coin dealer named Harry on the other side of the United States (Oregon precisely), pick up a small dark coin from a collection tray. ‘Here’s a denarius from biblical times.’

I was struck. Jesus could have carried that coin in His pocket, I thought. Maybe it was one of the silver coins Judas received in a pouch from the Pharisees to betray Him. And so, the die was struck.

I’m not smart. If I were smart I’d have the idea first. I am far from having the idea of collecting coins from biblical times first. But at least I stumbled upon it now just for the sake of my own joy of the prospect of owning a coin that circulated during that time period. And there are many to choose from. Some I find aesthetically pleasing and others not so much. The fascination of experiencing that ancient coin was too powerful to ignore.

To start my collection, I bought the denarius from Harry and his coin shop. I vetted him, no worries. It’s perfect really since he was the one who introduced me to ancient coins in the first place. I’ve since added the 8 coins I spoke of earlier to start a base for the collection. I find some so interesting that I’m acquiring them regardless of when they might have circulated.

________________________

Jesus, God….the engineers just looked directly into the raging inferno of the dragon’s core, their faces — the flesh is going to melt off.

This film…..

When my thoughts drift to nuclear fission, my mind never fails to superimpose this biblical text:

When he opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour.

Then the angel took the censer, filled it with fire from the altar, and hurled it on the earth; and there came peals of thunder, rumblings, flashes of lightning and an earthquake.

Revelation 8

_________________________

Experiencing vs. Admiring Coins

The Southpark trading coins are shiny and encased in plastic. I have no desire to take them out – though I did take them out to carefully wipe the fingerprints off the polished surface. Yes I know the danger of damaging them, but it was my first purchase and they weren’t my fingerprints so, they had to go:) The first purchase can never be forgotten. I like that about collections. It’s the unsophisticated and unlearned approach that is ultimately most endearing, the rest are acquired with increasing scrutiny and knowledge. But those first endeavors always hold a special place in the heart, because of the flaws.

The ancient coins, on the other hand, I don’t want behind plastic, sealed away and untouchable. This is not where the value lies for me. I don’t care how fragile they might be or how much wear I might put on them, I want to hold them and experience them in a completely different way than the modern pop coins of Southpark, which look perfectly at home in their protective cases.

Some Greek craftsman working in his shop struck that 293 B.C. coin with his fingers and hands and sweat, it traveled in the coin purse of a traveling merchant to spend it on grain, or a pouch of water or maybe a fine glass of wine for his wife. I want to experience that coin, 2319 years later….

Twenty Twenty Six

An Endless Quest

Now I haven’t even touched on how this lead me also to the Keepsake Memory box my father left me. I thought he was keeping his spare change in a box tucked into the bottom of the case, perhaps collected in part upon certain celebratory events throughout his life.

Little did I know what interesting treasures he was keeping in that box:) It deserves a whole post unto itself – if only because it was my daddy.

Hope everyone is having a beautiful winter, lots of snow here. Until next time, many blessings friends~

Doodling

On By Ashley GatewoodIn For Artists and Creative Folk, Healthy LivingLeave a comment

Flushing the Psyche

I’ve been doodling. Nothing planned out or precisely executed, just whatever lines come out onto the paper in whatever fashion they choose to reveal themselves. Sometimes I get tied of thinking. Doodling is actually good for cognitive function. Doodling helps to find things we’ve lost along the way, cognitively, through the process of subconscious memory recall. Don’t take it from me, there’s a nifty little article by the Harvard Medical School about the thinking benefits of doodling.

“Spontaneous drawings may also relieve psychological distress, making it easier to attend to things. We like to make sense of our lives by making up coherent stories, but sometimes there are gaps that cannot be filled, no matter how hard we try. Doodles fill these gaps…”

I think I’m trying to tell myself something that I’m not yet aware of, searching for a key that’s dangling on edge of my understanding. Doodles are like dreams unfolding as they call up strange markings from seemingly out of nowhere. It’s such a relieving activity that the feeling itself is indicative of undergoing a cleansing process, shifting what’s not necessary out of the way as the ink deposits the marks on the paper. The flushing leaves more room for better cognitive functioning. Even the doodle itself doesn’t contain the answer, it’s only the path, acting as a bridge to something unknown.

The Process of Exploration

Plus it’s just enjoyable. It’s like giving yourself permission to not care about the outcome, not care about whether the entire doodle comes out or doesn’t in the end. The benefit isn’t in the final product, it’s in the process of making it. The existence of the doodle, though fascinating, doesn’t hold as much weight as the benefits of the action to bring it into existence.

No matter what it makes in the end, it always speaks. Like flushing out all the gunk before getting to what you’re really trying to find, lost in the recesses of the subconscious.

What I really enjoy experiencing is when the doodle upgrades, through no preplanned initiative of my own, and becomes a mature drawing. It transforms and surprises. As if I am connecting to a reservoir of language that’s finally forming a coherent structure.

When that happens, (and you have to be listening to the lines), you slow down, become more deliberate with your application and arrangement, and help the doodle move into the greater state it’s telling you it’s ready to mature into.

Women Pastors and Wives Submitting to Their Husbands

On By Ashley GatewoodIn Love:: Lifestyle:: HealthLeave a comment

The Man Holds The Seat Of Authority

From my understanding of the biblical text, I do not think women should be set in a position of spiritual authority over men, not as a pastor/minister/priest/bishop of the church. The reason for this, as Paul points out, goes back all the way to the garden: women have the power of influence and she’s a bit more constituted for chaos.

The Man Is The Spiritual Father

The authority of the pastoral office is one of spiritual father and a woman should not usurp that seat over a man. Likewise, the man should not willingly submit himself to the woman as a spiritual authority over him, not even in marriage should this be done. Personally, I think this scenario creates the Oedipal mother, imo.

Offices Women Can Hold According to the Biblical Text

Now I do believe that women can teach men and that woman can hold the other offices of Prophet, Teacher and Evangelist. These teaching offices do not assume a fatherly authoritative position over men – and more importantly, even the great Apostle Paul was taught by at least one godly woman and he esteemed the Prophetess Phoebe for her role in God’s Kingdom. 

Eve, the Apple and Why Wives Should Submit to the Leading of the Husband

The husband must lead by following God, this is his responsibility. Of course he should listen to his wife and take her points seriously, but he should also think through her points objectively and not be lead around by her. Likewise, the wife should submit to the guidance and protection of her husband – had Eve taken the uneaten apple to her husband and explained what the serpent had spoken to her, all would not have been lost. This is an illustration of why the man can take the role of spiritual father as a Pastor over other men, and the woman should not.

Does God Really Want Women to Remain Silent?

Now, just in case you are wondering about the verse, ‘women should be quiet’ that we hear often from the legalistic Pharisees, I’ll address this also. What most people reading the text superficially overlook is that the women in Timothy’s church, whom Paul was referring to, were pagan and secular-minded Ephesians. They didn’t understand the concept of sitting quietly in a religious temple/church and were likely gossiping and distracting their husbands with questions – which should have been asked at home.

The Gentiles…..we are an unruly bunch, wild olive branches grafted into the true Olive Tree. We had and still have much to learn about how God’s KINGdom is constituted and where we fit into His shining City on a Hill. We should be thankful, both men and women, that God opened the doors to His kingdom and invited us in.

Future Posts and Such

I’ve been thinking a lot about many of the posts I make across social media. I put time and effort into my responses on topics that mean a great deal to me. Oftentimes, comments on other people’s posts or videos will never get seen. So I’m going to share some of my comments I’ve made over the years here as posts. Many people are searching for answers, maybe these can help you in some way.

I hope your holiday season is going well. I know it can be a difficult time for all of us who have lost loved ones or suffered other loss in life. May God be with you and carry you through these times. His light shines through the darkest of nights and He will never leave us nor forsake us.

Corruption Made Manifest In The Light

On By Ashley GatewoodIn Bread & Butter MorselsLeave a comment

The World Right Now

I feel a sense of justice and recompense prevailing finally after the longest, darkest night my generation has ever lived through – covid and all of the Biden/Obama Admin corruption.

That said, I’m only beginning to see that underneath it all was an even more sinister plot led by none other than Barak Obama for over a decade. I feel comfortable saying this because of one thing:

All of Obama’s ‘men’ are being rounded up and the evidence against them is not lying; his corruption is made manifest in the light. You’ve got to take out the surrounding infrastructure first in order to get to the kingpin. And that infrastructure is coming down fast, his idea of a weakened America crumbling before his eyes. It isn’t Cain’s blood that when spilt, cries out to God. It is Abel’s blood whom God hears and by which is moved to action.

New World Order: The Lust For Greater Power

I can’t understand why Obama and all those like him hate America so much. Fifty years from now, perhaps there will be psychological documentaries delving into it.

I still hold to the notion that it’s all in service to a systematic destruction of all nation’s sovereignty in an effort to form the New World Order we’ve heard several Presidents speak plainly about. Power and authority over the United States of America is enormous, but that’s nothing compared to power and authority over the whole earth and all her inhabitants.

It is the epitome of Lucifer’s narrative arch. He grapples for what is beautiful and orderly which only God can create, but his own corruption expels him from what he longs for most.

No One Will Be King Over The Earth, Save The One Christ

People don’t believe God when He says, ‘The earth is mine and the fulness thereof,” and “the meek shall inherit the earth”.

God’s words are truth.

God owns it all, Christ is God, and if we remain in Christ we are coheirs with Him. I’m not speculating on this:

The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.

Romans 8.16-19

The corrupt Cherub and his evil principalities shall not take dominion of God’s fulness.

Social Media

The sense of vindication right now on social media is so gratifying after all the suppression of speech wielded directly by our government. To feel the tide turning is a relief. Though I still find myself anxious about the ‘what if.’ What if they somehow scrape back power and start the oppression all over again? When the righteous rule the people rejoice, truly. To have one indivudual block you or disagree with you is uncomfortable but not oppressive. When the entire power of a governmental body shuts down all your avenues of expression – it is suffocating.

I wonder if atheists deem Christianity so horrible as opposed to Islam? Because when you ignore that this is a spiritual battle, you play not a small role in where America finds herself. And absolutely to where England already has fallen. Why can’t people be more introspective? How is it that so many are wholly blind to the fact that they are or have contributed greatly to the problem? Atheists are convinced there is no God and no devil. This puts them wholly at a disadvantage to see the world as it truly is – indeed because they have plucked out their eyes through which to see it. They are blind.

This is why good people perish and evil often prospers. When you don’t have a conscience there is no inner taxing on the mind and soul. This is also why God speaks extensively in the NT about our gained righteousness which makes us, as God’s people, right standing before Him, regardless of our shortcomings. How? By the work Christ did on the Cross. Because if we could have made ourselves pure and righteous, Christ would not have had to die for us. Thankfully by His sacrifice we gain His righteousness and our reconciliation as a once fallen human species is complete. We can come into communion with God where the enmity of sin is abolished through the Cross. Amen!

Fish, Aquatic Plants and the Aquarist Life

I’m working on a post about a few small fish tanks I’ve been building the past several weeks. It’s interesting to me that after feeling a bit better the project I undertake is to start aquatic water boxes. Amazing what happens when your body is supplied with the correct amount of hormones to function properly. Energy and will work hand in hand. One without the other – much less lacking either – and no progress can be made on any front.

Through this also I realized something I never could pinpoint; I am allergic to yeast. Like, no wonder I don’t enjoy alcohol. Everyone always talks about how good drinking a glass or two makes them feel and it always made me feel sick. I like Amaretto Sours though, mild as they may be for some.

Dreams and Such

Also, I’ve made some progress with the recurring dream of endless corridors, hallways and mazes that I could never quite find my way out of….I indeed think I’ve unravelled the conundrum and I won’t be having this dream anymore. That post to come soon also. Dreams are fascinating:)

And finally, a followup to my Minimalistic lifestyle approach. In an attempt to order my surroundings better and feel better in mind and spirit, I adopted the minimalistic approach. This too has worked wonders – even though I was stalled in this endeavor by my thyroid retiring on me. I’ve since been able to complete much of what was started last year.

Have a beautiful week, and I pray that more and more you understand how you fit into the Body of Christ in this earth and what a privilege it is to be called an heir of God~

Let’s Dine

On By Ashley GatewoodIn Bread & Butter MorselsLeave a comment

My Affinity for Dining Scenes in Film

There are several aspects of film I delight in, one of which being when directors include dining scenes. And not all are created equal as audio, visuals and symbolic undertones all play a part in whether I consider them an elevated and experiential addition or just an afterthought of the screenwriter. These dining scenes can be found in books or film but I’m going to focus on film today.

One of my first memories of enjoying food in storying-telling was when my Grandmother would read the children’s book Pinocchio to me as a child. From what I remember, Geppetto is carrying a brown sack of groceries, the illustration depicted lettuce, carrots and other produce just visible over the rim of the bag and the words she read (and how she read them, or better, how my five-year-old ears heard them) brought everything to life for me as a young child.

Then there’s The Boxcar Children cooking some sort of stew in the wilderness; the siblings in A Wrinkle In Time always eating liverwurst sandwiches with cream cheese and jam; the finger foods and other prepared sandwiches in Donna Tartt’s A Secret History….I could go on and on. I love food scenes in stories. Dining denotes community, togetherness and creativity in preparation. It immerses me into the characters’ world and if thoughtfully executed, can be used metaphorically in film revealing layers of meaning and understanding. I simply love when directors make a statement with dining.

I might add here that the whole experience for the viewer is what I find important as well as placement within the story arc. In the case of the film All Is Lost, it is mainly the placement that I find emotionally relevant, whereas in Godland many aspects of the dining experience are incorporated including relevant placement, audio, symbolic importance and visual cues.

Now let’s get dining, shall we?

‘Godland’ (2022)

This gorgeous and haunting film was shot on location in Iceland using 35mm film. The banquet of sounds is a symphony to my ears. I love when filmmakers incorporate audio as another layer of storytelling, such as the sound of the horses teeth chomping down on their bits, the sound of hooves clopping along the rugged wilderness paths and of course, the clinking of dishes and silverware and gulps of coffee while leaning over steaming stews. It’s a stark contrast to the cold winter lurking just outside, one that can be felt and understood by the viewer. There are moments I relish in this film, hellish moments that are simply nature taking its course and when taken alone mean nothing more than the act, but when combined with the underlying dark river of the human psyche, become altogether terrifying.

The Priest And His Selfish Breakfast

In Godland’s opening scene the head priest takes his breakfast in front of the younger missionary, Lucas, who he is preparing to send off to Iceland on a brutal quest in winter to establish a church. The head minister is sumptuously consuming his delicacies from a spread of hard boiled eggs, buttered bread, a bowl of fruit and what seems to be lukewarm coffee, as there is no notable steam rising. There are mugs and other goblets and linens spread across the table all in service to the head priest.

The younger missionary priest, however, neither partakes nor is invited to partake in the rather lukewarm, suspiciously humble feast of his elder mentor and instead watches and listens to his master explain how deprived he will soon be in the backcountry of Iceland’s unforgiving terrain. It is altogether profoundly foreshadowing, having what he might want and need metaphorically right in front of him, but unable to enter into it and satiate his soul…very much symbolic of an empty stomach.

I could do a whole blog post on this film alone but I’m not sure I can do it justice. The director is brilliant, having scenes unfold on screen and you don’t know what you’re looking at – is it small, or enormous? A person, or dirt? I found myself pulled into the mud, into the echos, the water, the cold, the dark undertow of this narrative. It’s a pity the most brilliant movies seem to get overlooked by mainstream.

The movie is also a folk musical – the only kind of musical to which I’m happy to subject myself. There’s less dialog than most movies might contain and I love that. The folk songs, sung by the party’s Icelandic guide Ragnar, seem more like dark incantations than bubbly outbursts of a carefree heart.

“I’m not sure if I’m allowed to tell this story,”….as the camera pans across a lush green mountainous waterfall, Ragnar discloses to the group, in his Icelandic tongue, a sinister tale as they huddle around a fire roasting their meat. This movie is treacherous, just ordinary people, yet so creepy and hauntingly wrong – or is that just how nature unfolds without God? As if you’re witnessing on screen the madness within all of mankind when not checked by God. I kept waiting for someone to open the windows so that God might shine in and illuminate the darkness, but no one lifted a finger to do so.

A Second, Warmer Dining Scene

At around the intermission we get another dinner scene. This time the priest Lucas is ragged, unable to pay attention and hardly eats at all (yet again deprived, though satiety is within reach) while those around him gulp down wine, slurp freshly caught oysters, hot soup, and crunchy buttered bread all rather merrily. The table is more alive than the head priest’s lukewarm, uninviting table at the onset of his quest. Here there’s roasted meat, shared goodwill with smiles, wine and warmth.

Our dear protagonist Lucas is inconsolable, his inner world untouchable, rigid and perplexed.

‘All Is Lost’

This film has a short but almost spiritual scene of the sailor played by Robert Redford, eating a meal in the cabin of his sailboat. After an accident that leaves a huge gaping hole in his boat, he’s left cleaning up the mess and repairing it for the next two days. It’s hot, there’s sea water up to his knees in the cabin and he has to sleep in a hammock while the watery chaos shifts beneath him with the waves of the sea.

Up until this one dining scene he’s eaten only out of cans, pork and beans perhaps. He can’t use the oven to warm his meals because it’s still underwater. After several days of continually using the bilge pump, patching the side of the vessel, frying under the scorching sun struggling to order all the chaos, he does one last mopping up and finally his cabin is returned to normal.

He’s got one major problem though – no working electrical equipment to call out an S.O.S. There’s no hope of rescue. This dawning realization was difficult to swallow and he knew he’d have to either save himself or be lost at sea.

So out comes the whiskey, and one other thing he is capable of doing for himself – preparing a good hot meal which he’s been deprived of for days. What follows is a well placed scene of our skipper as he chops up veggies on the cutting board, the sizzling noises included in the audio as he sautés an onion. We hear the clinking of utensils, steam rising from the cooking pots, all a symbolic (though somber) dance of reward for a job well done. Order is restored.

While this cooking scene unfolds it starts to rain and he goes topside to wash off the crusty salt water that’s dried on his skin and face. The stress is being washed away, and he’s capping off all the hard work with a tomato and pasta sauce meal along with a good deal of whiskey. Them be sailors…

‘Conspiracy’ (2001)

Here the dining tables are elegantly dressed and nothing is held back in the preparation or presentation of the delicacies. Gourmet dishes served by butlers and an army of nervous chefs and servers to the Nazi generals, lawyers and administrators. These dishes, however elegant in presentation, come across as less than appetizing. They’re dressed limply on shiny silver platters, arranged in such a manner that exudes a lukewarm tinge to the eye, lifeless. I doubt I’d be partaking in these innocent, (is food innocent?) yet ravenous delicacies of death:

Do not eat the food of a begrudging host,
    do not crave his delicacies;
for he is the kind of person
    who is always thinking about the cost.
“Eat and drink,” he says to you,
    but his heart is not with you.
You will vomit up the little you have eaten
    and will have wasted your compliments.

~Proverbs 23.6-8

The poultry, ribs, seafood all hinting at a danger of…moral poison in their sweaty, grayish appearance. No deliciousness or sumptuousness to them. And many of the plates throughout the film are left uneaten, wasted – some members of the Nazi party even stating they did not eat at all. The wine flowed from every corner, the cigar smoke hung in the air but the ravenous souls of those in attendance were already drunk on a wrathful wine prescribed from a God they didn’t even believe in, much less fear.

‘Margin Call’

The last one I’ll mention in this post is Margin Call. The entire movie was suspenseful, intense and involved highly anxious interactions. It mostly took place throughout one night in the throes of statistical madness. After all the demonic financial numbers are grappled with, when Hell is served up for everyone else to deal with – indeed as the movie comes to the end of itself – the viewer is escorted to an upper floor of the high rise corporation that has a view of the New York skyline. We get to have dinner after a treacherous day on Wall Street selling mortgage-backed securities.

A quiet reprieve. Nestled over an elegantly draped table with fine linens, glassware and well prepared food is our antihero CEO relaxing, reading the newspaper and enjoying his dining moment after the massive storm he managed to evade…and indeed thrust upon the entirety of the world as we’d soon come to understand in 2008,

“Excuse me for eating but, it’s been a long day.”

We take a breath with him at this point in the movie. It’s a well placed dining scene in the aftermath of the carnage that is high stakes banking; an elite privilege after selling out the whole world to Satan…

…or perhaps ’tis Satan himself seated across from our weathered Sam Rogers, excusing himself to dine high above the chaos he’s just unleashed.

Afterthoughts

When I first began writing this a few weeks ago, I had no idea how difficult it would be. Who knew there was a journalistic language that film critics use when analyzing movies? I knew some reviews were better written than others but there really is a niche language concerning film dialog. The good thing is I’m not trying to be a film critic, the bad news is, I don’t have the means to make this as interesting as it could be. I thoroughly enjoyed rewatching all these films in order to create this list of dining scenes, and there are more I could have included.

Five weeks now that I’ve been on this thyroid pill and thank God, the brain fog and lack of energy is slowly subsiding. It’s annoying, I have to admit. I also bought an air purifier – God only knows all the invisible things we are subjected to without realizing it.

May you have a dining kind of week filled with warmth, good foods, and good vibes~

The Sanhedrin, Within and Without

On By Ashley GatewoodIn Healthy LivingLeave a comment

The Scene

One of my favorite conversations in the whole Bible transpires between Jesus of Nazareth and Pontius Pilate. This complex exchange takes place after Jesus stood before the Sanhedrin, the religious authority that ruled over all of Jewish life at the time. He spoke hardly a word to His own people, and they rejected Him. He held a profound conversation with a Gentile ruler, who in turn tried desperately to save His life. I often see the world in these two categories; the supremacists who think they know everything (and God shuns them), and the lost Gentiles of the world who know nothing, with whom God willingly engages.

When to Remain Silent

The Sanhedrin ‘trial’ if you will, took place in Mark 14:53-65. The Son of Man only spoke sparingly, if at all. I think it’s important to note that when He did speak, He told them who He was which in turn made them furious. These are the same individuals that pursued Him throughout His entire three year ministry. They were relentless.

They took Jesus to the high priest, and all the chief priests, the elders and the teachers of the law came together.

It was a big bullying ring. This angers me because I see the same thing today happening in churches who think they are the only ones that God has chosen – and yet, God does not engage with them, or only sparingly. It’s sad too, but it’s hard to have much empathy for legalistic dictators who think they’re always right.

Words carry the full force of life and death; God describes the tongue in such a manner. He knows exactly how the human being works, inside and out. His Spirit divides between our every thought and intention. God cannot be fooled:

“Are you not going to answer? What is this testimony that these men are bringing against you?” But Jesus remained silent and gave no answer.

When to Listen

Sometimes we think silence is just weakness. But silence is actually a powerful force. Why speak when no one is listening? You only diminish your self worth and cast your pearls before people who don’t care for you or like you – which gives them every opportunity to trample over you even more. It’s good to fast our words, our conversations, sometimes in order to reset the board internally and allow the Spirit of God to work in us. We can’t listen if we’re constantly talking, even if it’s prayer to God. To be still and listen for His answer provides a healing balm to our souls.

A Time of Reflection

It’s a good thing to take time to build our relationship with God and commune with the Holy Spirit. I’m glad I can do this with little repercussions. I’d encourage you today to add time to your prayer life where you’re not just presenting your petitions before our Father’s throne but also listening for His answers, His direction and His will in our lives. Practicing His Presence is a beautiful way to build our relationship with Him.

Some Additional Catching Up

So I’m not going to go into a ton of detail (and bellyaching and complaining) but I just recently found out that my thyroid has been under active for over a year. Probably for nearly 3-4 years now, slowly dying while sapping the very life out of me.

I couldn’t figure out what was going on, lifestyle? diet? not enough exercise? And in doing all these things I just thought I needed to do more. But as the years rolled by, I had less and less energy, not more. I was perplexed and concluded that I must’ve just broke, and indeed, I kinda did. When your body sabotages you, it can be a difficult thing to manage when you aren’t sure what’s happening.

I thought, ‘well, I guess I’m just lazy now. covid and all the ptsd broke me.’ And well, it did, but I still couldn’t understand why my recovery wasn’t happening faster. It wasn’t mental or emotional at that point. No, but a little thyroid hormone that decided to copout on me was the culprit! I had been talking to my aunt about this extensively and turned out we were on the right track. Then I found out at least one of my friends was also taking it and she encouraged me with the results she had. Turned her whole life around. Deadly, these hormones zapping away as our bodies show the signs of that mortal inevitability. I’m still going to hope in the promise that ‘He renews my youth like the eagles.’ I like that. No wonder we died at 45 two hundred years ago. Mortality is a creep!

Life is Strange

Well, who knows if this will actually work, taking this tiny little pill everyday, but I sure hope it does. Otherwise I really might as well retire to a tiki hut in Central America and blow away in the next hurricane. There’s nothing worse than having zero energy or enthusiasm about anything and even when you do, you’re so tired all day there’s little fun or enjoyment in it.

To think back over the past three years and how awful I felt about myself….things aren’t always as they appear, sweet people. Knowledge is power. Don’t let the Sanhedrin within dictate your life to you, or dictate to you who you are based solely on an antiquated set of past failures. God says your more than that, and indeed you are. Much more, friends.

So here’s to looking forward and doing more in the coming future. For now though, I think I’ll stop beating up on myself, pushing myself to do more, and being mad that I can’t do it and instead relax into a better state of mind, taking some time to just recalibrate, reassess and let this little pill work its wonders I think is in order.

Stay strong and rest in Him beautiful people, you are the apple of His eye~